I never thought you were a fool. But darling, look at you!

"Do you remember that time..."

*chuckle*

"What? Let me finish..."

"You don't have to do this!"

"Do what? Be nostalgic?"

"Well, yeah. Don't try that whole angle with me."

"What angle?!"

"You know that thing where you tell me a forgotten memory and I think about it all moist eyed and then remember how much I've missed you and lean in for a kiss? It's too cliche."

"I'm just trying to relive a moment. And get a kiss, yes. Because trust me, you'll go all 'Aww...' when you listen to this!"

"Knowing me, you have the gall to say that."

"At least listen to me!"

"OK. Go ahead. What specific moment in our long stint of getting messed up should I remember?"

"You know that time when you'd sneak out and...?Forget it.You ruined the moment."

"Hey, I'm sorry. Tell me. Now I really want to know. I'd sneak out and...?"

"I don't want to say."

"Please? Pretty, pretty please?"

"Nope."

"You're such a girl! Grow a pair and just tell me, will ya?"

"Now that's my girl!OK the moment's back.So you'd sneak out and come over to my roof and we'd drink beer all night?"

"Yeah. I don't remember any of my conversations when I was drunk. I don't want to rather. I'd get embarrassingly sentimental and sound alarmingly like you."

"You light up my day sweetheart. Well, I hate beer."

"So?"

"Sigh. Anyone would have thought how that was a sweet gesture and gone misty eyed and appreciated how I'd go through that pain of fermented poison sliding down my throat just to be with you but oh no, the world would end if it knew you had a heart."

"Aww...That's so sweet!I never would have thought a pansy like you hated beer!I have missed you so.Come closer, get a blanket.We'll sit all cuddled up inside and hum Backstreet Boys' songs!"

"I really did miss you babe."

"I know. I knew you hated beer anyway. I'd just wait for the day when you'd confess that. And you have to do it now. You think life is like a rom-com, don't you?"

"If I manage to make you cry, I swear it'll beat 'Notting Hill' being the best movie ever made."

"You think 'Notting Hill' is the best movie ever made?!"

"Let's not start that. Try a conversation my way sometimes. It bruises my ego less."

"You love the bruises, you masochistic fool."

"Well, true. Who am I kidding? So you think life is like a splatter/gore movie eh? Or rather you'd like it to be that way?"

"I'm not all that violent you know. For all my talk about punching you in the nose, I'd probably start crying if I saw you hurt. Don't give me that look!"

"I'm sorry.Did you use the words 'I' and 'cry' in the same sentence with no sarcasm laced under it?Hey that rhymed!"

"Do you want me to punch you now?"

"I'm sorry. So tell me. That whole rom-com thing."

"Not everything is perfect. I'm not. You are so far from it that you can't even see it with a telescope!"

"That was super lame.What's wrong with you?I dint even touch you and you caught me!"

"Shut up!My point is not everything begins and ends with a kiss.And I hope you realize that soon."

"I wouldn't last with you if I weren't stronger.I'll wait for you to weaken."

"It won't happen."

"You said you couldn't make it today.But here you are."

"You love coming up here, don't you?"

"It is beautiful up here."

"Yeah true.I can almost understand why people love watching stars."

"They always make interesting company."

"I know.Want to get some beer?"

"Sure."

P.S- I know it's a little meandering and pointless but I feel really cynical these days and just wanted to express that somehow.By the way, the title is a line from a U2 song 'Stuck in a moment'.If you haven't listened to it yet, what the hell are you doing still reading this?

My personal sun.

Heaven is a New Moon promotional poster and a pool of drool.

Another year, another day...

Your smile.The same wicked upturn of the pink, thin lips, the same knowing glare in your eyes like you caught me thinking, thinking all night about the prospect of seeing you again after all these years.You give me the same little restless flutters I felt, even as you stand across the room, a few hundred feet away, leaning against the table with a casual elegance, a phrase I'll always associate with you.Your scotch touches your lips with a careless precision as you keep looking at me walk towards you slowly.I spot several familiar faces, faces I dint care about then, faces I'll never care about again.It's only you that draws me here, that drew me here in the first place.Every step I take towards you brings me physically closer to you but my mind is farther away.Somehow I think of winter when I think of you and seeing you now makes me feel the chill air of October mornings, the smell of freshly burnt firecrackers, the feel of those days.I have no idea what I'll say to you, I wish I could stop walking towards you and just stare at you smiling and let my bittersweet nostalgia erode a little more.But I'm scared that you'll get tired of waiting and turn away.I walk a tad bit faster, caring not about offending the people who have been greeting me and expecting me to do the same. You are still there, like a half opened window, I go towards it planning to shut it for good but I hold myself back every time.I've seen what's on the other side, I don't intend to again. It is just there, attracting my attention only when the breeze is strong.I smile, anticipating your musical voice as I reach you.You smile back.I wait.

The fall

Why can't every heartbreak in our lives be like an unexpected fall off a chair? You lose gravity, time stands still, your body is momentarily suspended, hanging in the air, holding on to the ghosts of the threads that broke away seconds earlier. You know how you were, with exact precision, before the fall. You know what went wrong, what led to the fall. You can't anticipate how much the fall will hurt. You just have to wait, till you hit the ground and estimate the cause and effect. And all along, you think to yourself, how could you have been so stupid? How could you not have seen this before? Then you get up, brush the dirt off, probably brush off the tears if the fall was pretty bad, embarrassed at first that it happened to you of all people, you, who is so self assured and cautious and never slips up. And then several tense moments later, you laugh it off. It all seems so silly in retrospect. You reflect on it, think to yourself, what went wrong, how it happened and how can it be avoided on the next occasion. And in the following few days, you forget about it. Except for the little bruise on your palm when you supported your fall. A little conspicuous reminder of what happened. Just like the little dent in your ego after a heartbreak, a little splinter of grief you carry forward after you are left behind, the little precautionary note when something like this is bound to happen again, the generous pang when faced by the past. Yes, I wish heartbreaks were this easy.
P.S- I am updating my blog on my college computer. This is bad!
P.P.S- This post inspired by Poonam when she fell off her chair accidentally. She's all fine.

Boo

What are we scared of?
-The dark.
-The unknown.
-The heard.
The unheard of.
-The unsaid.
-The misunderstood.
-What we have become.
-What we could have become.
-What we might become.
-Means.
-Ends.
-Maybes and in betweens
-What you might discover in some one's mailbox.
-What you might find in the closet on a lonely afternoon.
-The fluttering curtains.
-The half opened door.
-Looking back to find no one.
-Looking back.
-The discovery.
-The discoverer.
-Scared, perennially, of looking at a black screen with grey lettering being the only witness to your life.

ACK

In 4th semester, between yawns and sighs for a better career option, I managed to learn ARQs in Data communications. For those lucky people who don't know(and probably won't care) what an ARQ is, it stands for Automatic Repeat Request/Query.It is an error-control method for data transmission which uses acknowledgements and timeouts to achieve reliable data transmission over an unreliable link. The basics are pretty simple. You send a frame of data to the receiver, set a timer, wait for an acknowledgement from the receiver. If you receive the acknowledgement from the receiver before time out, it means that your frame has been delivered and the receiver is expecting the next frame. If the acknowledgement is not received, then the sender re sends the frame. There are several things that can go wrong(and will go wrong in all probability) and these exceptions are handled accordingly. There are several types of ARQs but let us not get into specifics. My focus here is on the acknowledgement.
What is a person's first instinct when he/she receives genuine appreciation? Is it surprise? Is it gratitude? I feel both of these. Somehow, I'm very vocal in appreciating someone and also acknowledging the fact that someone appreciates me. There are times when I genuinely mean something and wish good for another being and express it in all earnest, yet it goes unacknowledged. It just makes me wonder, are people that self assured that they can't even be thankful for the fact that someone recognises their worth? I am always surprised when people pay me a compliment or tell me how much I mean to them. I'm not such a great person in real life and listening to phrases pertaining to appreciation with respect to yours truly always makes me think about how phony people are. But then I feel guilty for being sceptical and petty and I respond with genuine thanks for realising that I aren't all that bad sometimes. Maybe I suffer from low self esteem(which many people have pointed out) or I am too dependent on others' approval and any that comes my way seems like a cascade of affection. But yet, even if a person is self assured and confident of his/her own worth, it's nice to acknowledge. Just a simple 'Thank you' will suffice most times.
P.S- I never thought I'd come to a stage where I'd start comparing information science and engineering to ANY thing related to my life. I have come to a stage where I use programming terms in day to day life and care about things like ready queues and scheduling algorithms. God help me!
P.P.S- If anyone ever pays a compliment regarding my hair, it is promptly followed by 'I know!'. So much for genuine acknowledgement.

The comma between maybe and maybe not

Yours truly has sore eyes(not conjunctivitis; just red, puffy eyes that hurt and urge me to blink too many times) and no patience for formalities.
1) There should be licences issued for being a pedestrian. People should take a hearing test and an IQ test to be allowed to walk on the road.
2) When you're undergoing a certain emotional turmoil and discover a new song, more often than not, the song somehow summarises your situation and seems apt for the time being. Has it happened only to me or is Scott Adams really a genius? (The song in question is 'Careful' by Michelle Featherstone. Discovered it on season 4, episode 23, 'How I met your mother'. Don't even begin to ask me about the situation. Trust me, you are better off. And reference to Scott Adams, please read 'God's debris'. A must, must read.)
3) How good a movie can be if it moves you to tears and sends a chill down your spine simultaneously? The movie in question is 'The Lives of Others'. One of the most endearing lines accompanied with brilliant acting was: “Can anyone who has heard this music, I mean truly heard it, really be a bad person?” Watch it sometime.
4) A good hug by a great friend is the best cure for any apparent status quo disturbance. Thanks vanilla bear. :)
5) Chocolate is god.
6) It has to be said twice. Chocolate is god. Not even god-like. Just god. The God.
7) People should not be allowed to use the words 'falling', 'in' and 'love' in the same sentence in the said order if they don't mean it.
8) Contradiction bites you in the ass sometimes.
9) I have forgotten how much I appreciate Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Time is moving in a circle again.
10) I thought I couldn't hide my emotions well. After today, I realised I'm probably getting better at it.
11) A good cry and a good nap can solve the trickiest problems.
12) How can I forget to mention a good piece of chocolate in the last statement?
13) Didn't anyone realise I crossed ten points for the first time with almost nothing substantial to write about?
14) Pity is the last thing a friend needs. Save it for your enemies.
15) I'm OK.
P.S- What's with so many links if you wonder, I'm pretty jobless.
P.P.S- I wanted to include a point about how awesome my hair is but why state the obvious eh?