Friday, August 15, 2008

My platonic lover...

He walked in the room, as always with a disarming non chalance. There was something about him that was so effortless and so easy. I don't know what it was; his smooth, candid conversations with people, friends and strangers alike, or his gait or his silent, comfortable presence around you. He smiled as he saw me and sat across the table. "Good news!" he said. "Please don't tell me you're fired?" I asked. He'd been in a tiff with his boss for the last couple of days. He smiled again." You're wrong.That would have been great news! I am getting married. She said yes!" He could hardly contain the excitement bursting through his incessant smile. "That is news!" I said, not sure what to feel. I hugged him and in an instant our whole lives passed by in front of my eyes...
We'd been great friends in school. We both watched football, both liked the same people and both had pretty much the same ideas.It was a little eerie to know a person who had the exact same thoughts as you did. It was somehow surreal but yet so realistic. The only opinion we did not share was that he was an atheist and I was a believer. We had loads of arguement on that subject and some of them were pretty intense. But we never reached a truce, we just kept offering explanations and disregarding each other. In a way, those arguements helped me grow spiritually because I found myself discovering reasons why I chose to believe. He helped me through rough patches, we fought like siblings, I advised him a plenty and we reached a stage of a friendship where words weren't necessary. But then she happened...
She was a mutual friend. She was pretty and sweet and always ready to lend a helping hand. But she was silly. And most times just plain dumb. Some people found it endearing. I did too. I thought it was in a way, cute. A kind of mistaken, misunderstood innocence. She was one of my closest friends and she was equally close to him as well. But then, one day, out of the blue, he confessed to me that he liked her a lot. I was initially shocked but then I was happy for them. She was a nice person and he was a great guy. They'd obviously make a wonderful relationship. They did in fact. But then as time passed, we lost touch. She was important to him. I understood that completely. But I also missed the intelligent conversations we had, the endless bickering about religion and God. Our silence became uncomfortable. He was completely blinded in the relationship they shared. He always agreed to whatever she had to say, whatever she did went unquestioned. It was quite a fall from grace for me personally. I moved on. I made new friends, had interesting conversations with others too. But somehow, nobody could fit the frame I had in mind except him. I missed him above everything. And I wondered if he did too.We met a few times and all we mostly did was talk about work. A few weeks ago he told me he was going to propose. I was happy and yet a little apprehensive. I din't see a future for them and it was scary to admit it. I just hoped for the best and wished him good luck.
"Hey, aren't you happy?" he asked, his spirits dampening a little with my unenthuisiastic response.
"What? Of course I am! You guys are my closest friends!" I smiled, getting my hopes up.
"That doesn't sound like you. I gave you one piece of advice over all these years and that was to be yourself and speak your mind. I can make out you aren't doing that right now." he said as he sat down again and sipped his coffee.
"Well, what can I say? You caught me! No offence, but I just din't see a future for you guys. I thought you'd get over her."
" But I love her. I thought you knew that."
"I did. I just din't see it."
"Everything need not have a reason my dear. Some things are beyond our arguements."
"Our arguements! Funny you should bring that up, I was just thinking about them."
"Yeah? I think about them all the time too. I miss them."
"Me too. But situations change. What can I say?"
"People change. I know I did. And I admire you for the fact that you din't"
"Thank you"
"Don't get all formal with me! The next thing I know, you'll start saying 'hi' and 'bye'!"
"Haha, don't worry about that. Some things never do change"
"I know"
"Me too"
"Did you know that I had a huge crush on you then?"
"I did. You kinda made it obvious."
"Did I? You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you and let you know. But I din't wanna ruin what we already had. So I never did tell you that"
"Well, I liked you then too. But things turn out the way they are for the best. Some one else also controls our lives besides ourselves.I know you'll laugh at my face but I totally belive in that."
"I never told you this and never wanted to because that'll mean you won. But since we are revealing things unknown, I'll just tell you."
"What can be so important?"
"You turned me into a believer. Something several people have tried for several years.But you succeeded and I'll love you and hate you for that!"
"This is wonderful information!Wow, I actually managed to influence another person's life. I should give myself much more credit than I do right now"
"You should.You deserve it.How's the boyfriend?"
"Still craving for committment. Few more days and he'll have withdrawal symptoms"
"You should settle down you know"
"And you should leave the advice section to me!"
"Ok, as you wish. Now that I am engaged, I have officially achieved a new high!"
"You know what I'd like? Prove me wrong about the two of you."
"I'll strive towards that end every single day, sweet!"
"I'd like that"
"Let's celebrate now. Wanna smoke?"
"I quit"
"Wanna share?"