Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The fall

Why can't every heartbreak in our lives be like an unexpected fall off a chair? You lose gravity, time stands still, your body is momentarily suspended, hanging in the air, holding on to the ghosts of the threads that broke away seconds earlier. You know how you were, with exact precision, before the fall. You know what went wrong, what led to the fall. You can't anticipate how much the fall will hurt. You just have to wait, till you hit the ground and estimate the cause and effect. And all along, you think to yourself, how could you have been so stupid? How could you not have seen this before? Then you get up, brush the dirt off, probably brush off the tears if the fall was pretty bad, embarrassed at first that it happened to you of all people, you, who is so self assured and cautious and never slips up. And then several tense moments later, you laugh it off. It all seems so silly in retrospect. You reflect on it, think to yourself, what went wrong, how it happened and how can it be avoided on the next occasion. And in the following few days, you forget about it. Except for the little bruise on your palm when you supported your fall. A little conspicuous reminder of what happened. Just like the little dent in your ego after a heartbreak, a little splinter of grief you carry forward after you are left behind, the little precautionary note when something like this is bound to happen again, the generous pang when faced by the past. Yes, I wish heartbreaks were this easy.
P.S- I am updating my blog on my college computer. This is bad!
P.P.S- This post inspired by Poonam when she fell off her chair accidentally. She's all fine.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


What are we scared of?
-The dark.
-The unknown.
-The heard.
The unheard of.
-The unsaid.
-The misunderstood.
-What we have become.
-What we could have become.
-What we might become.
-Maybes and in betweens
-What you might discover in some one's mailbox.
-What you might find in the closet on a lonely afternoon.
-The fluttering curtains.
-The half opened door.
-Looking back to find no one.
-Looking back.
-The discovery.
-The discoverer.
-Scared, perennially, of looking at a black screen with grey lettering being the only witness to your life.

Saturday, October 10, 2009


In 4th semester, between yawns and sighs for a better career option, I managed to learn ARQs in Data communications. For those lucky people who don't know(and probably won't care) what an ARQ is, it stands for Automatic Repeat Request/Query.It is an error-control method for data transmission which uses acknowledgements and timeouts to achieve reliable data transmission over an unreliable link. The basics are pretty simple. You send a frame of data to the receiver, set a timer, wait for an acknowledgement from the receiver. If you receive the acknowledgement from the receiver before time out, it means that your frame has been delivered and the receiver is expecting the next frame. If the acknowledgement is not received, then the sender re sends the frame. There are several things that can go wrong(and will go wrong in all probability) and these exceptions are handled accordingly. There are several types of ARQs but let us not get into specifics. My focus here is on the acknowledgement.
What is a person's first instinct when he/she receives genuine appreciation? Is it surprise? Is it gratitude? I feel both of these. Somehow, I'm very vocal in appreciating someone and also acknowledging the fact that someone appreciates me. There are times when I genuinely mean something and wish good for another being and express it in all earnest, yet it goes unacknowledged. It just makes me wonder, are people that self assured that they can't even be thankful for the fact that someone recognises their worth? I am always surprised when people pay me a compliment or tell me how much I mean to them. I'm not such a great person in real life and listening to phrases pertaining to appreciation with respect to yours truly always makes me think about how phony people are. But then I feel guilty for being sceptical and petty and I respond with genuine thanks for realising that I aren't all that bad sometimes. Maybe I suffer from low self esteem(which many people have pointed out) or I am too dependent on others' approval and any that comes my way seems like a cascade of affection. But yet, even if a person is self assured and confident of his/her own worth, it's nice to acknowledge. Just a simple 'Thank you' will suffice most times.
P.S- I never thought I'd come to a stage where I'd start comparing information science and engineering to ANY thing related to my life. I have come to a stage where I use programming terms in day to day life and care about things like ready queues and scheduling algorithms. God help me!
P.P.S- If anyone ever pays a compliment regarding my hair, it is promptly followed by 'I know!'. So much for genuine acknowledgement.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The comma between maybe and maybe not

Yours truly has sore eyes(not conjunctivitis; just red, puffy eyes that hurt and urge me to blink too many times) and no patience for formalities.
1) There should be licences issued for being a pedestrian. People should take a hearing test and an IQ test to be allowed to walk on the road.
2) When you're undergoing a certain emotional turmoil and discover a new song, more often than not, the song somehow summarises your situation and seems apt for the time being. Has it happened only to me or is Scott Adams really a genius? (The song in question is 'Careful' by Michelle Featherstone. Discovered it on season 4, episode 23, 'How I met your mother'. Don't even begin to ask me about the situation. Trust me, you are better off. And reference to Scott Adams, please read 'God's debris'. A must, must read.)
3) How good a movie can be if it moves you to tears and sends a chill down your spine simultaneously? The movie in question is 'The Lives of Others'. One of the most endearing lines accompanied with brilliant acting was: “Can anyone who has heard this music, I mean truly heard it, really be a bad person?” Watch it sometime.
4) A good hug by a great friend is the best cure for any apparent status quo disturbance. Thanks vanilla bear. :)
5) Chocolate is god.
6) It has to be said twice. Chocolate is god. Not even god-like. Just god. The God.
7) People should not be allowed to use the words 'falling', 'in' and 'love' in the same sentence in the said order if they don't mean it.
8) Contradiction bites you in the ass sometimes.
9) I have forgotten how much I appreciate Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Time is moving in a circle again.
10) I thought I couldn't hide my emotions well. After today, I realised I'm probably getting better at it.
11) A good cry and a good nap can solve the trickiest problems.
12) How can I forget to mention a good piece of chocolate in the last statement?
13) Didn't anyone realise I crossed ten points for the first time with almost nothing substantial to write about?
14) Pity is the last thing a friend needs. Save it for your enemies.
15) I'm OK.
P.S- What's with so many links if you wonder, I'm pretty jobless.
P.P.S- I wanted to include a point about how awesome my hair is but why state the obvious eh?